that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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