I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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