I wish I could punch you in the face.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
