you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize