when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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