Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
