I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
