I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Two words: nipple clamps
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