i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
