Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
