I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
