i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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