He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
