I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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