I love how my cats smell like pot.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize