did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
