today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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