Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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