I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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