You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
