That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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