All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize