Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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