i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
