is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
