nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He kissed a someone with a penis
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
