I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He better not be in your backpack
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
