I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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