Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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