I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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