she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
