she was so not down for the gang bang
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
