i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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