I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
