I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
