"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
