I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
