one two three fourrrrnication!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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