he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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