i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
