have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
