She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
