is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Alive.
So much puke
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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