youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
