Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
