apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Randomize
