i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
