So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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