Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
