Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
