Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
