and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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