My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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