Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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