I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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