She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
