Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
it's like iHOP with fire
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize