Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize