Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
