Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
