My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
