Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
