One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
