i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
