So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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