He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize