I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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