I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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