my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
