nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
