No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So squirting runs in the family.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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