yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
