I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
