She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
soo... how was my night?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
