I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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