I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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