she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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