his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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