If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
