he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
