people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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