We're facebook friends in real life
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
