I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize