If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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