Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It happened again.
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
