You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
love makes seman taste better
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
