Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
