I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
