Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
