Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize