if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
