So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
