Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize