He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize