Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
