I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
