we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
