If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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