This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize