so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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