She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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