Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
