I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
