the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize