4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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