I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
